The Parent Trap

I've been doing some volunteer coaching at Bentley University in Waltham, MA.  It's a great school with some really sharp students.  Recently, I helped a number of MBA students craft their 90-second profiles.  These are slightly longer versions of an "elevator pitch" that can be used to ask one of the scariest of all interview questions: Can you tell me about yourself?

During the workshops, I heard a few students lamenting the fact that parental pressure had a big impact on their choice of college and career. Some students found themselves in schools and majors that were more their parents' ideas than their own. 

I've written about the difficulty of finding your own path when you are being pressured to go to the "right" school or follow the "right" career path according to your parents.  I am a parent of three children and I have parents of my own so I have seen this scenario play out to some degree on both sides. Your parents really do want the best for you.  They just have their own ideas of what "the best" means. For many parents, "the best" is for their children to be financially independent when they graduate from college.  They equate financial independence with a "good job" and they assume the path to a "good job" flows through the "right school" and the "right major."  It's a logical approach but it leaves out the passion factor.  Many times, parents don't stop to ask you "what are their children passionate about?"

Because parents often take this logical approach to figuring what is best for you, you need to take a logical approach to show them that you have a plan that is just as sound as theirs.  I don't believe most parents want their children to do exactly what they are told but most parent do want to know their children have some sort of plan for their future.  When a child, of any age, approaches the choice of college or career without a strong desire or vision, parents will swoop in to provide the child their vision of the future.  It's only natural; nature abhors a vacuum.  When you have a "vacuum" instead of a "vision" someone, usually your parents, will rush in to fill it with their vision or plan.

So, how do you convince your parents that your vision is the right one for you and that their vision might not be the best path for you?

You have to do your homework. If you think you want to switch majors or switch schools or follow a different career path, get out there and do some research.  Learn as much as you can about the career path you want to follow.  Use your library's resources and databases.  Network, network, network.  Speak to people in the career you are considering.  You're goal is twofold:  figure out if this is the career path you really want to follow and gather "ammunition" to support your decision.

If you can do the homework and find the career path that fits you best, then you can speak to your parents with conviction about the path you want to take. Parents love you but they are also good at sensing your weaknesses.  If you are wishy-washy when you tell them you want to switch majors, switch schools or follow a different career path, they will feel you are not fully committed to the new path.  They will try to steer you back onto the path you are currently following because they fear you will be lost otherwise.

You also need "ammunition" to make your case as compelling as possible.  If you tell Mom and Dad that you don't want to be an accountant but that you want to study computer animation, you have to be prepared to back up your choice.  Your parents want to know you can be independent after graduation so give them the facts that will ease their fears. Find out the kinds of jobs that computer animators have.  How much is the average pay?  Where do these jobs exist?  What is the working life like?  Talk about specific people you know that are in that profession.

All these facts and information should help ease your parents anxieties.  They have been planning your future since you were born.  You need to prove to them that you have put in as much effort researching your options.

Of course, this is a simplification of the issue of parental pressure and how to deal with it.  However, if you begin thinking in terms of preparing yourself to make a strong, logical case about the practical applications of your passions and your desires before you sit down with your parents, it should make it a much more constructive and effective conversation.

Money can't buy you love

There's a common misconception when looking for your first job out of college.  Most job seekers are trying to find a job that offers the highest pay or the biggest set of financial incentives if certain objectives are achieved at work.  While income and bonuses may seem like a good set of motivators to do a good job and to feel accomplished, the truth is that money is rarely a good enough "carrot" for any professional.  There are deeper, more meaningful motivators that you should try to find.

One of my favorite authors and speakers, Dan Pink, says these intrinsic motivations are "Autonomy," "Mastery," and "Purpose."  Watch Dan's presentation at the recent TED Conference (August 2009).
He tells a great story and he will inspire you to focus on those three intrinsic motivators as you conduct your job search.

Dan is the author of two of my favorite books, A Whole New Mind and The Adventures of Johnny Bunko.  I consider them essential reading for anyone trying to figure out their dream career.  His new book, Drive, is all about the science of motivation and it will be available in December.

Six questions and two weeks to personal clarity

I've been away for a while ... literally and figuratively! It's funny how life has a way of consuming your time if you're not careful.

I just read a very good book by Ernie Zelinski called Career Success Without a Real Job: The Career Book for People Too Smart to Work in Corporations. He's got some great advice in there about how to find your passion and launch a career that is both satisfying and lucrative.

If you're struggling to figure out what you should be doing for a living, use the following six questions that appear in Ernie's book to help you sort it out. I recommend that you create a document with these questions listed and add to it every day for two weeks. Spend just five minutes reflecting on the events or your day every day for 14 days. Add new information to your answers under each question. After two weeks, set aside 30 minutes to review the whole set of questions and answers. I think you will find a very clear picture of who you are and what you love to do.

Here are Ernie's questions:

1) What am I good at?
2) What are my strengths and weaknesses?
3) Which talents and accomplishments do others give me compliments for?
4) Which talents and strengths would I like to use and improve in a career?
5) Who does the kind of work I would like to do?
6) What work would I do for free just for the enjoyment?

Let us know what you discover.

You're never too young (or too old) to change direction

Most people don't step back and decide they need a more fulfilling career-life until they've spent a long time in a job that fits them poorly. That's one of the reason I tell young graduates to ask their parents and their parents' friends if they are satisfied with the career direction they chose. In the majority of cases, these older workers will say they are not satisfied but they have stayed on their career path because it offered a sense of stability, upward mobility, financial security or job security. Many of these people have worked for more than two decades in careers for which they are ill-suited. Sometimes, that long slog through career mediocrity ends when a person decides enough is enough and they go out and find a career that truly resonantes with their natural abilities and talents.

However, you don't have to spend decades in the wrong career to come to the conclusion that you are not applying your natural talents at work. Sometimes, it only takes a few years to realize you have to get off your current career path. In most cases, you just have to be honest with yourself: Are you really happy doing the job you have? Or, do you just put the time in hoping the path you are on will eventually be satisfying?

One young career changer came to the conclusion he was on the wrong track within two years of graduating from college. Jon Adamec's story is inspirational and it certainly illustrates the decisive action and personal support often required to shift into a more satisfying career.

You can find Jon's story on Pamela Slim's blog. Pamela Slim is a career coach who helps frustrated corporate employees break out of their mundane lives and create entrepreneurial lives that are satisfying, lucrative and which resonate more fully with their natural abilities and talents. She is the author of the book Escape from Cubicle Nation: From Corporate Prisoner to Thriving Entrepreneur which is an excellent, step-by-step guidebook to launching a career that fits you perfectly.

Check out Pamela's blog and read Jon's story. I think you'll find them both informative and inspirational.

Matchmaker, make me a match

A few weeks ago, after I wrote my blog post on doing what you are, I wondered if there was a website that could match your personality type to current job openings. Today, in the Cranky Consumer column in the Wall Street Journal, Sarah Needleman identifies and compares four such job search sites. Check it out at Making a Match: Job Sites Get Personal.

The road less traveled often pays better

When most people approach graduation or make major career decisions, they tend to narrow their focus. Students who majored in computer software become programmers. Students who majored in accounting go to work for a large accounting firm. Students who majored in education become public school teachers.

I think that you should broaden your focus first. Your natural abilities and skills can usually be put to use in non-traditional roles. When you find a way to apply your natural abilities in a non-traditional career role, you often end up being a unique asset to an organization. And, unique assets often command a higher income.

In today's Wall Street Journal, Dana Mattioli shares a story about a Montessori school teacher who found a better paying and more satisfying career by using her natural abilities in an unique setting.

The article is titled "From Classroom to Makeup Counter"

Do What You Are

A career can be fulfilling if it is in tune with some basic elements of your personality. If you enjoy being part of a team or working as part of a group, you'll have a hard time being a medical transcriber where you spend most of your time alone in front of a keyboard and computer monitor. If you are driven by hard facts and data you'd be better off as a mathematician rather than a therapist dealing with everyone's "squishy" emotions.

How can you discover the personality traits that can guide your job search?

Many years ago, I took a test to determine my "personality type" using the the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI). The outcome was very accurate in profiling my personality. With this Myers-Briggs assessment tool people's personalities are broken into 16 personality types based on a combination of four dimensions of personality.

Each of the four dimensions of your personality falls into one of two buckets. The four dimensions of your personality are basically answers to the following four questions:

• How do you interact with the world and where do you get your energy? (Extroversion vs Introversion)
• What kind of information do you notice and prefer naturally? (Sensing vs Intuition)
• How do you make decisions? (Thinking vs Feeling)
• Do you prefer to live and work in a structured way and make decisions or do you prefer to be more spontaneous and soak in information? (Judging vs Perceiving)

Each of the 16 personality types that are described by the combination of these four dimensions are better suited to particular kinds of careers. Knowing your Myers-Briggs "type" can help you narrow done your list of potential careers quickly and leave you with a list that offers greater opportunity for career satisfaction.

Many colleges and high school offer Myers-Brigss personality testing or something similar. However, you can figure out your personality type by yourself using a great book called Do What you Are: Discover the Perfect Career for You Through the Secrets of Personality Type by Paul Tieger and Barbara Barron.

The book takes you through a simple process to uncover your personality traits and helps you identify your Myers-Briggs "type." Once you've completed the brief self-assessment, you will see which of the 16 personality types most closely resemble you. The book then offers a complete chapter of material on each personality type including your strengths and weaknesses, best workplace environments, communication style and - perhaps most importantly - a list of jobs that would fit you best.

Of course, you can't choose a career based on a single test in a book but you this book will help you get a realistic picture of who you are and what sort of jobs will motivate and satisfy you most. Check out the book here: Do What you Are: Discover the Perfect Career for You Through the Secrets of Personality Type

Connect the dots

This time of year, there's always lots of talk about commencement speakers. For all the hoopla around who speaks at your graduation, I daresay you will remember very little of the speaker's advice or insight years later.

In 2005, Steve Jobs, CEO and co-founder of Apple, gave the commencement speech at Standford University that is worth remembering and replaying time and again. I've watched this speech and read the transcript on many occasions. His main theme: You cannot plan or predict your career path as you begin your working life after college; you can only look back many years later to see the path you took.

He encourages the graduates to seek out jobs and careers that interest them and avoid doing the things you "should" do. He tells the audience that as you move through life doing interesting jobs, you build a career that is unique to your own personality and natural talents. Steve Jobs is an incredibly talented and successful entrepreneur who obviously has been doing things he loves for many years. His personal impact can be felt in three of the biggest industries: computers, music and movies.

If you you've never watched the speech, you should. It's quite inspirational. If you have heard this speech before, listen to it again and re-charge your career search batteries.

The video is posted on YouTube: Steve Jobs' 2005 commencement speech at Stanford University.

Follow the Clues

Most college career centers offer some sort of assessment testing to help their students figure out their interests, skills and personality type. This is a good first step in helping students pick career paths that fit them

Unfortunately, many career center directors have reported that students don't take advantage of these assessment services as much as they should. When students begin thinking about their post-college life, they get very focused on finding a job and usually that job is directly related to their major course of study. Accounting majors become accountants. Computer science majors become programmers. Electrical engineering majors become engineers.

The job search gets very tactical and students gravitate towards career center services focused on resume creation, interviewing skills and networking 101. These are all great skills to learn but they don't help you with the strategic part of the job search: What career path should I follow after graduation?

College students should take advantage of the assessment testing and career counseling available to them while they are in school. These kinds of programs can help focus your search on the career areas where you will use your natural talents. Your natural talents are those basic elements of your core personality that are hard-wired into you. Natural talents are the things you can do well and enjoy doing the most. Uncovering these natural talents is the real first step in the career search process. College career centers can help but there are also things you can do on your own to help shed some light on the natural talents in you:

1) Think back on the last few years. What extracurricular activities have you enjoyed the most? Have you been actively involved in certain clubs, sports, academic pursuits that have energized you? What roles have you played in these clubs or organizations (leader, planner, ambassador, creative thinker, etc) Are there activities or courses that you look forward to and which seem almost effortless? What electives do you like to take? All of these are important clues to help you discover your natural talents.

2) Ask you friends what they think your natural talents might be. Your close friends probably have a good idea of what you are naturally gifted at doing. They can tell you if you are the leader of the group, or the spokesperson, or the planner, or the creative one. Listen to what they say and see if it resonates with your own gut feelings.

3) Get some outside help. There are career coaches and external sources to help you do a more thorough self-assessment. I recommend you start with a good guidebook. There are dozens of career books out there but there are very, very few that are aimed at helping young people find their natural talents and dream careers. One of the best guidebooks is Now What? The Young Person's Guide to Choosing a Career. This book was written by career coaching experts, Nick Lore and Anthony Spadafore. It takes you through a step-by-step process to uncover your who you are, what motivates you and what sort of work environment best suites you.

There are many more ways to figure out your natural talents. We'll take a look at them in the weeks and months to come. In the meantime, think about the things you have loved doing and pay attention to them.

Keep this in mind: The clues to your future career satisfaction can be found in the source of your past happiness.

Happy hunting!

The Parent Trap

Even after four or more years of college, most students will admit that their parents have great influence over their post-graduation lives. It's not surprising. After all, parents have provided the bulk of emotional and financial support for you for over 18 years. They certainly feel they deserve a little - or a lot - of input into your career decisions.

The high cost of higher education certainly bears a heavy burden on the college graduate. Only a very small percentage of students have the financial backing from their parents to sail through college without taking on the student loans. For the vast majority, graduating from college means beginning life in the red. Your parents understand this and they will probably tell you that it wasn't this bad on them when they graduated. College tuition seemed to have outpaced the growth of all other costs of life. Your parents may have graduated with a few student loans but they probably didn't experience as much anxiety over them as you will.

Your parents are faced with dual emotions as you graduate: they are proud and they are worried. Proud of your academic accomplishments and worried about your financial viability.

Parents around the world will almost always advise their children to find a "good job" after graduation. Take a job that pays well (and helps you pay off those huge loans). Take a job that offers good benefits (so you can move out of our basement). And, take a job with a company that will give you stability and options for future career growth (so you don't have to move back into our basement later in life). You can always figure out your perfect career while you work at your "good job."

Parents mean well but they don't often put themselves in your shoes. Come to think of it, they don't often put themselves in their own shoes. With an estimated 70% dissatisfaction rate amongst the workforce, chances are your parents are unhappy about their current careers. However, they were once young and idealistic. They had dreams and they had a plan in mind for their careers. They probably looked for a good job with salary and benefits with options for the future. They probably figured they could find a dream career in parallel to paying off their loans. Somehow, that plan doesn't usually work out too well.

You probably need your parents support to find your "dream career" after graduation. Your perfect career may not by what your parents, or you, envisioned when you entered college a few years ago. You owe it to yourself to find a career that fits you naturally but you also need your parents to be on board for this career search process.

Here's what I suggest you do to gain your parents support for a little dream career searching. Ask your parents these questions:

1) Do you like your job? Is it a good fit for you?
2) Is this where you wanted to be working this many years after graduation?
3) What would you rather be doing for a living?
4) If you could go back and visit your college-aged self, what career advice would you give yourself?

I predict that most of you will find your parents would go back in time and advise themselves to go down a very different career path than the one they are on today. Remember, they faced the pressures of their parents and their peers when making career decisions way back then. Their shoes were your shoes way back then but they probably didn't think too much about finding real, natural satisfaction in their work lives.

Ask your parents those questions - or ask anyone else who has been in the workforce for 10, 15, or 20 years - and you will find that they will warm up to the idea of allowing you a little freedom to find a dream career. They truly want you to be happy - and to pay your bills. You can do both if you step back and think about what you really want in life. Your parents should understand that when they think back on their own work history.

Let me know how your conversations go...

Watermelon seeds

The month of May is graduation time and graduation makes me think of watermelon seeds. watermelon seeds? Let me explain...

Students graduating from high school or college are under lots of pressure these days. The pressure comes from all around: parents, friends, teachers and society at large. There are lots of external expectations that graduates must face. Are you planning on attending the “best school”? Are you getting a “good job”? Are you living the life we all expected you to live?

After the big day, most graduates get launched into a direction in their lives that they may or may not have thought about very much. It's like a watermelon seed being squeezed between your finger and thumb. The pressure builds and then suddenly, the watermelon seed flies out into some random direction. Usually, the seed lands somewhere where it won't receive enough water, sun or cultivation. The seed eventually dries up and never produces the watermelon that everyone had hoped for.

Every watermelon seed holds the promise of a juicy, tasty watermelon. However, watermelons will only grow if they are planted properly, watered often and given plenty of sun. In other words, watermelon seeds need to do what is natural to them in an environment where they can thrive.

So do people.

High school and college graduates are full of energy and bursting with ideas and dreams of the future. However, high school students often choose their college because of everyone else’s expectations. Their parents want them to attend the “best school” possible. There is competition amongst friends to see who gets accepted into the best known school. College graduates feel compelled to get a job – any job - that pays well and gives them “options.” “Pays well” usually means being able to pay off the enormous loan they needed to get through the “best school.” And, jobs that give you options usually mean a salary and benefits to help them move out of their
parents homes and join the workforce.

Young adults need to step back and find their passions – and then go out and find a college or a career that will allow them to do what is natural to them in an environment that will cultivate and support them. Why do you think the attrition rate is so high during the first year of college? Why do you think the majority of people are unhappy with the career they have chosen?
They are watermelon seeds that have launched into a direction not of their choosing.

High school students: Before you pick that college, step back and really think about what you want to learn and want you want to do after college. I know it’s hard because of the pressure you face from your parents to get into the “best school” and the pressure from your friends to get into a “brand name” college or university.

College students: You’ve made your choice for higher education but your major and your degree should not define who you will be. Think deeply about your interests, skills, and passions and then find a way to live a life where you will grow happy, satisfied and fully engaged in your worklife.

Does any of this ring true with you? Tell me about the pressures you’ve faced. How have you dealt with the expectations and the pressure to live out everyone else’s dreams for you?