The Parent Trap

Even after four or more years of college, most students will admit that their parents have great influence over their post-graduation lives. It's not surprising. After all, parents have provided the bulk of emotional and financial support for you for over 18 years. They certainly feel they deserve a little - or a lot - of input into your career decisions.

The high cost of higher education certainly bears a heavy burden on the college graduate. Only a very small percentage of students have the financial backing from their parents to sail through college without taking on the student loans. For the vast majority, graduating from college means beginning life in the red. Your parents understand this and they will probably tell you that it wasn't this bad on them when they graduated. College tuition seemed to have outpaced the growth of all other costs of life. Your parents may have graduated with a few student loans but they probably didn't experience as much anxiety over them as you will.

Your parents are faced with dual emotions as you graduate: they are proud and they are worried. Proud of your academic accomplishments and worried about your financial viability.

Parents around the world will almost always advise their children to find a "good job" after graduation. Take a job that pays well (and helps you pay off those huge loans). Take a job that offers good benefits (so you can move out of our basement). And, take a job with a company that will give you stability and options for future career growth (so you don't have to move back into our basement later in life). You can always figure out your perfect career while you work at your "good job."

Parents mean well but they don't often put themselves in your shoes. Come to think of it, they don't often put themselves in their own shoes. With an estimated 70% dissatisfaction rate amongst the workforce, chances are your parents are unhappy about their current careers. However, they were once young and idealistic. They had dreams and they had a plan in mind for their careers. They probably looked for a good job with salary and benefits with options for the future. They probably figured they could find a dream career in parallel to paying off their loans. Somehow, that plan doesn't usually work out too well.

You probably need your parents support to find your "dream career" after graduation. Your perfect career may not by what your parents, or you, envisioned when you entered college a few years ago. You owe it to yourself to find a career that fits you naturally but you also need your parents to be on board for this career search process.

Here's what I suggest you do to gain your parents support for a little dream career searching. Ask your parents these questions:

1) Do you like your job? Is it a good fit for you?
2) Is this where you wanted to be working this many years after graduation?
3) What would you rather be doing for a living?
4) If you could go back and visit your college-aged self, what career advice would you give yourself?

I predict that most of you will find your parents would go back in time and advise themselves to go down a very different career path than the one they are on today. Remember, they faced the pressures of their parents and their peers when making career decisions way back then. Their shoes were your shoes way back then but they probably didn't think too much about finding real, natural satisfaction in their work lives.

Ask your parents those questions - or ask anyone else who has been in the workforce for 10, 15, or 20 years - and you will find that they will warm up to the idea of allowing you a little freedom to find a dream career. They truly want you to be happy - and to pay your bills. You can do both if you step back and think about what you really want in life. Your parents should understand that when they think back on their own work history.

Let me know how your conversations go...