The Parent Trap

I've been doing some volunteer coaching at Bentley University in Waltham, MA.  It's a great school with some really sharp students.  Recently, I helped a number of MBA students craft their 90-second profiles.  These are slightly longer versions of an "elevator pitch" that can be used to ask one of the scariest of all interview questions: Can you tell me about yourself?

During the workshops, I heard a few students lamenting the fact that parental pressure had a big impact on their choice of college and career. Some students found themselves in schools and majors that were more their parents' ideas than their own. 

I've written about the difficulty of finding your own path when you are being pressured to go to the "right" school or follow the "right" career path according to your parents.  I am a parent of three children and I have parents of my own so I have seen this scenario play out to some degree on both sides. Your parents really do want the best for you.  They just have their own ideas of what "the best" means. For many parents, "the best" is for their children to be financially independent when they graduate from college.  They equate financial independence with a "good job" and they assume the path to a "good job" flows through the "right school" and the "right major."  It's a logical approach but it leaves out the passion factor.  Many times, parents don't stop to ask you "what are their children passionate about?"

Because parents often take this logical approach to figuring what is best for you, you need to take a logical approach to show them that you have a plan that is just as sound as theirs.  I don't believe most parents want their children to do exactly what they are told but most parent do want to know their children have some sort of plan for their future.  When a child, of any age, approaches the choice of college or career without a strong desire or vision, parents will swoop in to provide the child their vision of the future.  It's only natural; nature abhors a vacuum.  When you have a "vacuum" instead of a "vision" someone, usually your parents, will rush in to fill it with their vision or plan.

So, how do you convince your parents that your vision is the right one for you and that their vision might not be the best path for you?

You have to do your homework. If you think you want to switch majors or switch schools or follow a different career path, get out there and do some research.  Learn as much as you can about the career path you want to follow.  Use your library's resources and databases.  Network, network, network.  Speak to people in the career you are considering.  You're goal is twofold:  figure out if this is the career path you really want to follow and gather "ammunition" to support your decision.

If you can do the homework and find the career path that fits you best, then you can speak to your parents with conviction about the path you want to take. Parents love you but they are also good at sensing your weaknesses.  If you are wishy-washy when you tell them you want to switch majors, switch schools or follow a different career path, they will feel you are not fully committed to the new path.  They will try to steer you back onto the path you are currently following because they fear you will be lost otherwise.

You also need "ammunition" to make your case as compelling as possible.  If you tell Mom and Dad that you don't want to be an accountant but that you want to study computer animation, you have to be prepared to back up your choice.  Your parents want to know you can be independent after graduation so give them the facts that will ease their fears. Find out the kinds of jobs that computer animators have.  How much is the average pay?  Where do these jobs exist?  What is the working life like?  Talk about specific people you know that are in that profession.

All these facts and information should help ease your parents anxieties.  They have been planning your future since you were born.  You need to prove to them that you have put in as much effort researching your options.

Of course, this is a simplification of the issue of parental pressure and how to deal with it.  However, if you begin thinking in terms of preparing yourself to make a strong, logical case about the practical applications of your passions and your desires before you sit down with your parents, it should make it a much more constructive and effective conversation.